James' Girl
by Meggie-Moo
Summary: Oneshot songfic – Sirius reflects on his life in his final minutes. Featuring unrequited love, jealousy, and sorrow. SiriusLily. Rated T, because somebody dies.


_Oneshot songfic – Sirius reflects on his life in his final minutes. Featuring unrequited love, jealousy, and sorrow. Sirius/Lily._

_Yes! The oneshot is finally finished! Now all I need is for people to read it, then review and tell me whether they liked it or not._

_Disclaimer - None of these characters are mine, they all belong to JK Rowling. As does the setting. But the plot at least is mine, apart from the very first bit and the very last bit (adapted out of Order Of The Phoenix). The song also isn't mine, the original is called "Jesses' Girl" and it belongs to Rick Springfield. I just changed the name around._

_The_ underlined text _is present tense, **bold/italic** is the song, and_ normal _is a memory. Also, "_OoOoOoOoO_" is a divider between the different tenses (present, past, and song)._

_Happy reading!_

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Lupin, Moody, Tonks, Kingsley and I sprint into the amphitheatre. Bellatrix has her wand pointed at Harry and Malfoy is flying through the air towards Harry. The Longbottom boy is cowering at my hated cousin's feet, sobbing. The Death Eaters hear the door open, and see us. Tonks sends a stunner at Malfoy, who crashes to the ground. I run forward towards Harry, but I'm stopped by another flash of red light. Harry flings himself out of the way, and crawls over to his friend.

I hear a Death Eater with a gravely voice speak. "Avad-"

"Stupefy!" I scream, cutting him off mid-spell. He conjures a shield charm, and my stunner goes shooting off into the fray. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Harry go down, a huge Death Eater on his back. "No! Harry!" I scream, as the Death Eater behind me casts another curse.

"_Crucio_," he says, his voice devoid of emotion. I scream in pain, before it overwhelms me. Scenes from my youth replay.

OoOoOoOoO

Second year. My very first crush.

"Go on Sirius, how hard can it be to tell a girl you love her?" pressed Remus.

"Yeah, but this isn't just _any_ girl, this is _the one_ we're talking about," I defended.

"So what? Even if she is _the one _that you're going to spend the rest of your life with, to love and to hold…" James began a spiel.

"Enough. What were you saying? And cut the drivel please," I said.

"Anyway. Even if she is _the one_, you're still going to have to tell her that you like her sometime, whether now or later! And there's no time like the present right?" James continued.

"Yeah… alright… but I have to find her first!"

"No problem! There she goes now. Oi! Evans! Lily! Sirius wants to talk to you," James called.

"Thanks… thanks a whole lot," I muttered to him.

OoOoOoOoO

"How did you like that?" the Death Eater asks sarcastically, lifting the curse.

"That was great, I loved it!" I say, as the voice in my head fights through the pain to tell me that antagonising the enemy probably isn't the smartest plan.

"Oh good. Then you won't mind if I do it again?" he asks. Without waiting for a reply, he casts the curse again. "_Crucio_." Once again, blackness enfolds me in its warm arms.

OoOoOoOoO

Fifth year. I'd been in love with the unattainable Lily for three years now.

James, Remus and I were studying the noticeboard, when we saw that a Hogsmede weekend was planned for Valentine's Day.

"So, Prongs, Moony, what say you to this weekend? Have you guys got dates yet, or will we make a bachelors' group?" I asked.

"Sounds cool. I've got nobody," said Remus.

"Uh… Well…" started James.

"Have you already got a date?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's it," said James.

"Go on Prongs, who is it? Tell us!" said Remus.

"It's… well…"

"Oh no! Please tell me it's not Bellatrix!" I asked in mock horror.

"No! Of course not! I'm going with… Lily."

An emotion that was unknown to me showed itself. It was anger, mixed with defensiveness, and tinted with love. It was a while before I could put a name to it. Jealousy.

OoOoOoOoO

_**James is a friend**_

_**And you know he's been a good friend of mine**_

**_But lately something's changed, it ain't hard to define_**

_**James has got himself a girl and I wanna make her mine.**_

OoOoOoOoO

I was sitting by the window, studying the Marauder's map, and planning our escape route for the next full moon. Normally, James would be helping me, but today he's not. He and Lily were cuddled up on the couch, talking and laughing about who knows what. They'd been together for a month now.

OoOoOoOoO

_**And she's watching him with those eyes,**_

_**And she's loving him with that body I just know it.**_

_**And he's holding her in his arms late late at night.**_

_**You know I wish that I had James' girl**_

_**I wish that I had James' girl**_

_**Where can I find a woman like that?**_

OoOoOoOoO

"ENOUGH!" I hear a voice yell, as the pain suddenly stops. "Step away from him, it's my turn now."

I roll over, and pull myself up to a standing position. My whole body is on fire, but I won't let myself show the weakness in front of the Death Eaters.

"So, cousin dearest, did you miss me?" a mocking baby voice asks.

"Bellatrix." I say the name with disgust, as though it is poison in my mouth. "What do you want?"  
"What do you think I want? The prophecy, the boy, and you. And I used to think you might have had a brain hidden away under all that hair. Obviously not," she taunts.

I muster all the strength I have left in my battered body, and try to jinx her.

"Oh no, not so fast, Sirius. _Expelliarmus._" My wand flies from my hand to hers. "Now, a little lesson that you should have been taught a long time ago. _Crucio_."

OoOoOoOoO

_**I'll play along with the charade**_

_**That doesn't seem to be a reason to change.**_

_**You know I feel so dirty when they start talking cute,**_

_**I wanna tell her that I love her but the point is probably moot.**_

OoOoOoOoO

Sixth year. Remus had noticed me acting a bit strangely around James and Lily lately. We were sitting upstairs in our dorm, while James and Lily were out on yet another date.

"What's up with you? They've been together nearly a year now, I would have thought you'd be fine with them!" he asked, concerned.

"I AM fine, it's just…"

"You're NOT fine. You go all fidgety, you stare at Lily all the time, and when they're together, you glare at James. Come on Padfoot, we're best friends, tell me what's wrong!" implored Remus.

"You got me," I said, defeated.

"I know I did. I always do. Now, what's wrong?"

"You know how I had that crush on Lily in second year?" I admitted.

Remus laughed. "How could I forget?"

"Well… I know I said that I didn't like her anymore, but I do! Every time I see her, I want it to be me there!" I said.

"Have you told James this?"

"NO! Of course not! What would he do if I did tell him? He'd be furious!"

"True. Have you told Lily?" asked Remus.

"No. Not since second year. But I don't understand why she won't go for me! I swear, I can get any other girl in the whole of Hogwarts, except for the one that I want!" I said.

OoOoOoOoO

_**Coz she's watching him with those eyes**_

_**And she's loving him with that body I just know it**_

_**And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night.**_

_**You know I wish that I had James' girl**_

_**I wish that I had James' girl**_

_**Where can I find a woman like that?**_

OoOoOoOoO

The pain is sending white-hot daggers through me. My eyes have clouded over, and I recognise this as one of the first symptoms of permanent damage from the Cruciatus Curse. If I survive this, I'll probably be crippled for life. Through my misty vision, I can see Harry battling bravely against a group of Death Eaters, defending his friends. He reminds me so much of Lily…

OoOoOoOoO

_**And I'm looking in the mirror all the time**_

_**Wondering what she don't see in me**_

_**I've been funny; I've been cool with the lines**_

_**Ain't that the way love's supposed to be?**_

OoOoOoOoO

Two years after we graduated from Hogwarts. We were barely 19 years old.

I was at James and Lily's wedding. I was the best man, and I was expected to look on happily as the couple pledge their eternal love to each other. I presented an appearance of being happy, while inside my emotions were boiling. _It should be me up there in the suit, waiting for Lily to walk up the aisle,_ I thought.

She appeared at the church door. Her dress fitted her perfectly, and showed off her perfect figure. The light streaming in from outside the church silhouetted her, and she seemed to glow. As she walked down the aisle, the bridal march accompanying her, I had to restrain myself so that I didn't cry out.

As they were saying their vows, I began to feel nauseous. I managed to survive until the end of the ceremony, and then as soon as we were allowed to go outside, I ran to the bathrooms. I leant over one of the basins and retched, although nothing came up. Remus appeared at my side.

"You _still_ like her? It's been seven years, and nothing's happened between you! Why don't you just give it up?" I swear he's psychic.

"Yep. I can't just get over her! She's just… amazing!"

"But mate, they're married now. You can't make a move on her now alright? Or James'll do his nut!"

"Alright…" I looked out the window, to see James and Lily kissing. I bent over and retched again.

It's a mark of our true friendship that Remus never mentioned this to another soul.

OoOoOoOoO

_**Tell me**_

_**Where can I find a woman like that?**_

_**You know I wish that I had James' girl**_

_**I wish that I had James' girl**_

_**I want James' girl**_

_**Where can I find a woman like that?**_

OoOoOoOoO

The world refocuses. Bellatrix is standing over me, pointing her wand at my head.

"Ah, my dear cousin, I've waited so long for this day," she taunts.

I stand up, and look around. Somehow, during the time when I had passed out, I had been moved towards the strange veil in the centre of the room. I pull myself upright again, thinking, _If I'm going to die, I'm going to die standing straight and tall. I won't show my weakness._ Bellatrix smirks at my show of defiance, and shoves me backwards.

As I stumble backwards towards the veil, I see Harry looking on in horror. The scar on his head seems to stand out more than usual. It is a mark of how much Lily loved him – so much that she would die for him. 

I hear the swish of the veil as I fall, and I think, "Why didn't she love me?"

Now there is nothing…

OoOoOoOoO

_**Like James' girl**_

_**I wish that I had James' girl**_

_**I want James' girl…**_

OoOoOoOoO

_Why didn't she love me?_

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_... And that is that! Did you like it? Well, I have no way of telling if you liked it or not if you don't review!_

_NB - You don't need to have an account on FanFiction to review - just click the button and leave your name._

_Meggie-Moo_


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